Can you correct my English paper?
Do I need to change any verbs? If so which ones? Add or delete any words. Thanks in advance!
Because of the increasing popularity of telecommuting, it is necessary for us to be more careful in our plans for information security and for our employees’ health and personal safety. We wish it was possible to talk to each employee individually, but that is impossible. Instead, we have prepared a "Telecommuter Employees Guide" which includes structured agreements that specify space, equipment, scheduling, communications, and conditions of employment. The complete guide should be given to whoever is about to begin a telecommuting assignment. We appreciate you discussing the following recommendations with any of your staff members whom are considering telecommuting.
Arranging the Home Workspace
• Create a space where you can expect minimal traffic and distraction.
• Make it comfortable but with sufficient space for computer, printer, and fax.
• Make your workspace off-limits to family and friends.
• Provide proper lighting and telephone service.
Ensuring Information Security
• Remember that you’re home office is an extension of the company office.
• Be careful to protect information and avoid computer viruses.
• Be sure to backup and store data and other information in a safe place.
We do not recommend at-home meetings for telecommuters. By the same token, we suggest using postal boxes rather then home addresses. We also require smoke detectors in home work areas.
To have any questions answered, my assistant or I can be reached at Ext. 310.
Tagged with: computer printer • conditions of employment • distraction • employees health • home meetings • information security • minimal traffic • personal safety • proper lighting • safe place • smoke detectors • space equipment • sufficient space • telecommuter • telecommuters • telecommuting • telephone service • thanks in advance • verbs • work areas
Filed under: Data Security
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I am reluctant to correct this, although wishing to be helpful, but being English I find it riddled with neologisms unknown this side of the Atlantic. Although the word ‘telecommunication(s) is common, the contrived forms ‘telecommute’ and ‘telecommuter’ are unknown. I would therefore suggest replacing the latter two with a periphrastic form using the word ‘telecommunication(s)’ wherever possible. I have copied your article below and inserted in brackets what I believe to be the correct form. I hope this causes no offence, but, as Churchill said, we are indeed two nations divided by a common language.
Because of the increasing popularity of telecommuting (telecommunication), it is necessary for us to be more careful in our plans for information security and for our employees’ health and personal safety. We wish it was (were) possible to talk to each employee individually, but that is impossible. Instead, we have prepared a "Telecommuter (Telecommunication) Employees Guide" which includes structured agreements that (which) specify space, equipment, scheduling, communications, and conditions of employment. The complete guide should be given to whoever (whomever) is about to begin a telecommuting (telecommunication) assignment. We appreciate you discussing the following recommendations with any of your staff members whom (who) are considering telecommuting ( working in telecommunications).
Arranging the Home Workspace
• Create a space where you can expect minimal traffic and distraction.
• Make it comfortable but with sufficient space for computer, printer, and fax.
• Make your workspace off-limits to family and friends.
• Provide proper lighting and telephone service.
Ensuring Information Security
• Remember that you’re (your – you’re is short for ‘you are’) home office is an extension of the company office.
• Be careful to protect information and avoid computer viruses.
• Be sure to backup and store data and other information in a safe place.
We do not recommend at-home meetings for telecommuters (telecommunication workers). By the same token, we suggest using postal boxes rather then (than) home addresses. We also require smoke detectors in home work areas.
To have any questions answered, my assistant or I can be reached at Ext. 310.
·9 minutes ago
·- 4 days left to answer.
Did not think you could start a paper with because. That first sentence is a mouthful, I would shorten it and change the wording.
Example: Safety is our number one concern with the increased popularity of telecommuting.
and so on.
*Due to* the increasing popularity of telecommuting, it is necessary for us to be more careful in our plans for information security and for our employees’ health and personal safety. *Because of the size of our business, we unfortunately cannot talk to each employee individually.* Instead, we have prepared a "Telecommuter Employees Guide" which includes structured agreements that specify space, equipment, scheduling, communications, and conditions of employment. The complete guide *will* be given to whoever is about to begin a telecommuting assignment. We *would* appreciate *if* you *could discuss* the following recommendations with any of your staff members *who* are considering telecommuting.
Arranging the Home Workspace
• Create a space where you can expect minimal traffic and distraction.
• Make it comfortable*,* but with sufficient space for computer, printer, and fax.
• Make your workspace off-limits to family and friends.
• Provide proper lighting and telephone service.
Ensuring Information Security
• Remember that *your* home office is an extension of the company office.
• Be careful to protect information and avoid computer viruses.
• Be sure to backup and store data and other information in a safe place.
We do not recommend *that meetings should be held at your home*. By the same token, we suggest using postal boxes rather then home addresses. We also require smoke detectors in home work areas.
*If you have any questions, you can get hold of either me or my assistant* at Ext. 310.
I’ve put in stars any modifications that I’ve thought of, but obviously don’t use them if you don’t like them! Hope I’ve helped!